Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Selamat Tahun Baru 2009

Tahun 2008 sudah sampai ke hujung. Tahun 2009 sudah tak sabar nak menyapa.

My better half has been ignoring me for a few days already. I don't know for how long this silent treatment will go on. As for me, life goes on as usual. I keep him up to date with my whereabout. Tak pegi mana pun.

I really don't understand what is he trying to prove. He got cranky for no apparent reason.

Well, I don't want to get myself worried over this. It will only add more lines and wrinkles to my beautiful face.

If we are meant to be together, let it be a happy life.
If we are going to live in misery, may be we should consider pulling out the plug...

Just wait and see what 2009 has in store for us.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Hi girls!

My friends and I met recently. The last time we gathered was 2 years back during the old girls dinner party. It was really nice to walk down memory lane together and update each other on the latest happenings of our lives. Most of us are married with children. Some are still single. Some were divorced but somehow manage to find themselves new husbands. Amazing women too...

We giggled and laughed out loud much to the "dismay" of other patrons. Who cares?

Come to think about it I really enjoy the company of my girlfriends. The fact that we spent 5 beautiful years together has created this unspoken bond among us. We are just like sisters.

I remember during my university days. I had this senior who was trying very hard to get close to me. At first I simply ignored him but somehow his preserverence paid of in the end. We started spending a lot of time together. The fact he was a very bright student also helped. As a result, I spent less time with my girlfriend which I still regret. Fortunately my girlfriends did not hold grudges against me.

Maybe we don't need men to make us happy and complete. It would be nice if they are around but it is not the end of the world if they are not.

Afterall, we only have ourselves to rely on.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

It's been too long!

Goodness,it's really been a long long time since the last time I talked to C.
Sigh...3 weeks to be exact. He last called me on his birthday. I guess I wrote about that before.

I actually sent an email to him last friday but i guess it did not go through. I was experiencing some problems with my internet connection. Several emails that I sent out did not reach the intended recipients. I read that as a sign the the email I sent him was not meant to be read at all.

You see, the content was kinda mooshy-mooshy a little bit. I was really missing him and I let him know just that. So when it got stuck somewhere in cyberspace I am just very thankful. He..he penakut juga aku ni....

Well, I don't know if C is still in SP or back home. He does not know that I am away at the moment. We have this understanding that we don't contact each other during weekends/holiday.

Next week I will be taking leave. I doubt we have the opportunity to talk to each other let alone have teh tarik together this year.

What to do...

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Should I?

I am contemplating whether to text C or not. I know C is away at the moment and there is a possibility that I would catch him at the a bad time. At the same time I am missing him so much and deep down I know that he would be happy to hear from me. He is always very concern about disturbing me at work or of course at home when I am with the family.
Hai, susah le ini macam.

Well, the last time we talked was on his birthday/wedding anniversary. I wanted to wish him happy birthday but I just could not bring myself to do that since the date coincides with his anniversary too. Hmmm...

Ok...sabar spider. Why not you text him tomorrow? Just tell him that your are going away and the fact that you are missing him so much. Don't go overboard with it. Just enough to convey the message that the feelings are mutual.

Hi, I don't know for how this will go on and it is definitely getting a toll on my life...

C...I just can't stop thinking about you.
I miss u so much, dear.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008



Hi dear. I'm in SP right now till end of the week.
Been busy with bunch of programs since last week.
Miss u so much.

Missing u too, dear. Take care.

Sunday, December 14, 2008


Somebody close to me said something very profound that got me thinking. The person hoped that I won't terseksa in the other life because of the way I live my life now.

What on earth got him/her to say that? You may wonder...I don't.

Lately, I'm finding that it is getting more and more difficult to live with my better half. It scares me terribly. I don't know where to turn to. I am afraid of making decision because I know there is no turning back after that.
What if my life would turn from bad to worse after that? Sigh..

I want to go to heaven.
I will need to make decision that enable me to achieve my goal.
That will be...

Friday, December 12, 2008


It's been awhile since the last time I update my blog. I just couldn't find a suitable time to do that. Life goes on as usual.

I had coffee with a good friend today. You know, the one who is having an internet fling while the hubby is away. Fuhh, things are actually steaming up for them. They are communicating regularly and that includes webcamming (ada ke such word)late at nights. Goodness, to me that is unthinkable. I do not even consider mmsing my pic to C. Daringnye makcik tu...what was she thinking?

It actually makes my relationship with C look so innocent. He..he memang innocent pun. We are two long lost friends whose paths crossed again. I treasure our friendship and definitely friendship is the loveliest relationship.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Miss u so much

Dec 5, 2008

Dear C...I miss u.

I miss u too my dear spider.
Tq for still keeping my number

Lost you once...

Dec 1, 2008 Monday

C called me. We talked for quite sometime. I wanted to mms C a picture of my friends and I in the dining when we were students. Somehow C couldn't recall Noriz who used to be my best friend (in fact she still is my best friend). A asked for his number as I had deleted it. He was indeed very surprised and dissapointed.

So I had to tell him the reason which was rather childish. I texted him last week when I passed by his office. Just informing him that I was in his neighbourhood. It felt good to know that he was nearby and breathing the same polluted air, too. Only he never replied which really pissed me off. To channelled out my frustration and anger, I just got to do something mean back. Some form of retaliation act. So I deleted all his messages and his number too. I felt better after that.

C was rather taken aback. He went through the trouble of explaining his situation to me. The fact that he was in Sabah attending a meeting when he got my message. The many messages that he received in his BlackBerry that demand his immediate attention..bla bla..

I saved his number back.

Later in the day I received this message from him.

My dear spider,it was nice talking to you just now
eventhough part of the conversation was kind of
frustrating for me. But anyway I don't want to lose
our communication and relationship. Lost u once.
Don't want to lose you again.
Please do sms or email me when you can.
I promise you that I will answer back your sms n emails.
Take care n hv a good holiday.
Miss u already, dear.

Hi...don't worry about it.
It was actually my problem, not yours.
I was born weird.
Anyway, thks for your concern.
Miss u too, dear

Ok. Tks for your understanding and
I will always remember yr words about
me being in your list eventhough no. 2.
As long as I'm in the list I'm very happy.
Tks dear

Monday, December 1, 2008

Cyber fling

I went out with a girlfriend at the local kopitiam. Apparently, she has found an interesting character over the internet and at present is having a cyber fling with the guy.

The hubby is away and supposed to be back in three weeks time. Then he will go back to England again for indefinitely period. My friend is rather concerned that she's having such a good time with her cyber friend. He is a smooth talker and she's basking in all the terms of endearment used in the communication. It fills the void left by the hubby.

That is a definite infidelity, isn't it? No doubt about it. The question is how do you deal with it? I guess there is not much choice there. She knows what is the correct thing to do. But I don't think she is ready to pull out the plug yet...

Somehow I can relate to her situation...