Blogging Incognito?

Since I was small, I used to keep journals/diaries and scrapbooks. I would cut newspapers/magazines clippings of interesting events/people and pasted them in my scrapbooks together with short write ups. I also had a little black book where I wrote about my crushes, my headaches, my frustration. my anger.

I still keep some of the books and read them from time to time. They are like a time machine which transports me back to the bygone era.

I do wish I had written more, though...

Today, I blog incognito. Still, as an outlet to vent out my misery and share my excitement. Writing them down, solidifies the moments and helps to declutter my thoughts.

Keep me sane.

I can go back and revisit those moments whenever I feel like doing so in my own secret hideout.

Nice Tea

I met C yesterday when he came over to my town to see me. He called the day before and he asked me if it was alright for us to meet. The last time we met was in August 08.

I just had my lunch at home so I was rather full. We both ordered iced tea. The meet this time was more relaxed compared to the one before. We catched up on the latest happenings (politics included) and of course revisited our past together.

We met in the open...a nice kedai mamak and of course the chances of bumping into mutual acquaintances of FMC and I were very high. But I prefer it like that rather than meeting C in a cosy, posh and secluded cafe. Actually, I told FMC that I was meeting an old friend.

And meet went really well. I enjoyed our conversation and I thought C had a good time too. He finished 4 sticks of cigs during the whole conversation.

By the time we decided to leave, it was already pouring cats and dogs outside. We walked together to the AutoPay Station. Hmm...I couldn't believe how much I enjoyed walking beside him.

I had butterflies in my stomach before meeting him, during the whole event and also after it was over.

The butterflies are still having a rowdy party inside my tummy.

Hmm

FMC went out to picked up the girls. Then I sent him a text message asking him to buy something. Khilaf besar saya. I should have known better after all this while...

FMC marah-marah sebab masa dia di rumah, I tak bercakap. After he left, baru nak pesan-pesan.

The truth is, tadi saya tak ingat. Lepas tu baru teringat. Nak buat macamana?
Sabar aje spider.

Dah tua-tua masih kena marah. Kurang sesuai. Bila dikenangkan. bila dah kawin ni baru saya selalu kena marah. Masa kecik, jarang kena marah. Masuk asrama pun tak ada. Pi sambung belajar, lagi le tak ada sape nak marah. Kat tempat kerja pun tak de kena marah.

Itulah, sebabnya dah tak kuasa nak bercakap.
Banyak mendatangkan mudharat dari munafaat.

Meamang ada masanya saya buat silap. Tapi tak berpadan dengan dengan kemarahan yang diterima. Ibarat budak sekolah tertinggal buku, kena public caning.

Tapi bila kurang bercakap, pun kena marah juga.

Itu sebab hati saya sudah jauh. Jauh sangat sampai tak jumpa dah...

Ages

Hi dear,
It's been ages since the last time I sent you e-mail.
If you are leaving XXX,
I guess I won't be able to contact you using this email add.
I might as well write to you now while I still can.

I'm quite sad, actually.
We had shared our old dark secrets "here"

I don't know what they did to you.
To me, they definitely shed some lights on what happenned before
and
added some vibrant colours into my otherwise mundane life!

So, do keep in touch. Sometimes. Promise me that.
You know where to find me.
It is always nice to hear from an old friend...kan?

Bye C.

p/s Saya berbalas text messages with BN, last week.
I assume he got my number from u...


Hi dear,
It's been a while since we've been communicating with emails.
I'll probably will be using a different email address once I keluar from the XXX. I'll email you my new address once I dapat nanti.

I've lost you once. It will never happen again. That I promise you.

Ps hopefully BN did not ask you macam2 that made you uncomfortable.

Bye dear.

Shooh...

C called me on my hp last friday. It's been a while since the last time we spoke to each other. More than a month. In between, C had tried calling me at the office a number of times. Tapi, I mana ada kat office.

It is very nice to be able to have a decent conversation again. Cuma masa tu, I was on leave. The children and I were having our tea at a nice restaurant near my house. Jadi, I had to keep the conversation short. Elok juga...

I care deeply for C. Yelah, "kawan" lama.
That was then, this is now.
What could have been will always be what could have been.
We both have our lives......

Cuma, sekali sekala syaitan mengganggu...

Shooh...Pegi jauh-jauh

Here we go again..

The trip started real well. The hotel that we were staying in was really nice. The children enjoyed the pool and their buffet breakfast.

Unfortunately, FMC decided to spoil it all.

He was in a foul mood last night. The family had earlier planned to have a seafood dinner last night. I yang nak belanja. Masaalahnya, I didn’t have enough cash with me. Nothing new there. My LV purse cost more that 2K but it seldom has more that RM20 in it! Ha..ha..

Kena cari ATM dulu. Since FMC was not familiar with the place he had trouble looking for it. When we found one, it was quite a distance away. He asked me to walk there which I refused. I was expecting him to actually drive nearer or find another ATM. Apalah susah sangat.

I did not expect him to blow his top off. I don’t want to share the details of that too but believe me it was horrible. He then asked my daughter to remind him not to follow me to any of my outstation trips in the future(like I never heard that before..)

FMC decided to cancel the dinner plan and took us back to the hotel. He went up to the hotel room to sulk.

Since everybody was hungry, I took the children to the mall across the hotel.(FMC kata “pegi laa..”) Ada ATM. I withdrew my money and bought Crocs sandals for the young ones. Then, we had our dinner at one of the fast food restaurants. Everybody was still confused about what happened.

I, myself wonder what the big sin that I had committed. Then, I decided not to worry too much about it and just enjoy the company of my children. Afterall, I didn’t think I committed any crime.

We went back to the hotel room. FMC dah cool down and acted like nothing happened.
Hmm…The silent treatment starts again…

Why?

Hi..hi spider

Hmm..you know why I called.

I'll try to call you back later.

Thank you.

Bye.

I am home

I am dead tired but I somehow I have problem going to sleep. I just got home from KK and it is really good to be back again. So, here I am slouching on the couch and watching repeat of Desperate Housewives. Not really in the mood to write, though...

The girls and FMC were still awake when I reached home just now. FMC sempat komplen pasal my son who is still busy with his co curriculum activities despite having to sit for a major exam soon. And of course he put the blame on me for allowing that to happen.

Actually, I have given my son till the end of the month to wrap up all his activities. After that, he has to give 100% to his studies. FMC tak setuju...so I just listened to what he had to say.

Apa lagi nak buat...

Postman Pat

My son used to love watching this cartoon series.
He collected a lot of Postman Pat memorabillia too.
He even wore Postman Pat underware.

Now he is all grown up with raging hormones.
Whenever I hear this song, it reminds me of our good old days...

Postman Pat. Postman Pat.
Postman Pat and his black and white cat.
Early in the morning, just as day is dawning,
he picks up all the post bags in his van.

Postman Pat. Postman Pat.
Postman Pat and his black and white cat.
All the birds are singing, and the day is just beginning.
Pat feels he's a really happy man.

Everybody knows his bright red van,
all his friends will smile as he waves to greet them,
Maybe, you can never be sure, there'll be knock (knock knock)
Ring (ring ring). Letters through your door. (Hee Hee).

Postman Pat. Postman Pat.
Postman Pat and his black and white cat.
All the birds are singing, and the day is just beginning.
Pat feels he's a really happy man.

Better person, maybe...

I have been really busy lately. Running here and there. Ke Utara, Selatan, Timur dan Barat. Office pun dah lama tak jenguk. Sampai bila agaknya nak hidup macam ni...

Bila sampai kat rumah, I just want to put my feet up and mula le buat appointment dengan tukang urut...Ingatkan zaman meleset ni, job kurang. Lain pulak jadinya..

I am really thankful that I still have my job...Alhamdulillah.

I cannot imagine a life without my own income. Having to ask from FMC for spending money. Urghh...

Come to think about it, maybe I will be a better person. More humble, perhaps...