sayang

I attended a motivational talk by a well-known speaker. Something that she said kind of stuck in my head. 'siapa yang suami tak sayang, Allah tak sayang dia' . Hmm...macam tu ye. I am pretty sure that husband does not love me. He said to me once, 'I don't like you!' I assume if you dont like somebody, it is difficult for you to love the person. Poor me... I am definitely at the losing end here :(
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Lunch @RnR

We stopped by at the RnR for lunch. My girls followed me. I bought nasi, ikan goreng, sayur and sambal belacan with kuah ikan patin. I dont like the ikan patin. The girls kept on asking, cukup ke duit ma? Cukup, sayang. My food cost RM6. Girl 1 just had nasi and sayur with kuah asam pedas, RM2. Share ikan goreng ma, she said. Girl 2 had ma**i hotcup for RM2. Habis RM10. Then I minta duit untuk beli air. Rupanya, husband just gave RM10. I thought he gave us RM20. No wonder my girls kept asking if the money was enough for our meals. Haha..baru I faham. Husband said, RM5 sorang. Sampai hati not to include me in the matematik.
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It saddens me when Husband does not appreciate what I am doing for the family. He keeps on saying that I am kedekut pahit. Well, I dont think I am kedekut. I makes me sad and sakit hati when he kept on repeating that infront of my children. Well, it is alright if he never says thank you, but dont lah keep on repeating 'your mother is kedekut'. I dont like to mengungkit and when I do something I dont blow my own trumpet. At the same time I dont like it when people take me for granted. Hahh...
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Money Talk

This month is going to be a difficult month for me. Money wise that is. The annual insurance premium for the children, replacement of the tyres for the car, spending spree for the children during school holidays. I also bought a property recently. I have to dig into my savings as the amount is touching 150K. For a person like me that is a lot. Alhamdulillah, I dont have to 'borrow' my children's money. That would be the last resort though. The investment I made using the little money that I have is beginning to show some good returns ;) Thanks to Honey, my exclassmate who acts as my financial advisor. I feel comfortable talking about money issues with Honey as she helps me with the financial planning for my children. I want them to start saving and investing early. I am trying to help them have a good head start in life. At least kalau nak kawin tu(for my boy) adalah duit. Takut nanti nak kawin tak berduit- buat maksiat pulak....
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STRESS

I am confused. Is my daughter watching the final match between Harimau Malaya and Garuda Muda or the final of Maharaja Lawak? She is laughing non stop throughout the game. Is that a sign of stress?
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congrats

husband got a promotion. he showed me the letter.
apparently, he is ecstatic about it.

hmm...
i don't feel a thing.

well, i am happy for him. indeed i am.
cuma tak ada bezanya.
it is not that husband is going to give me ANY money for belanja/maintenance.
he is not going to buy me or the children any nice thing pun.
he is planning to take the family makan ikan bakar...itu je

memang tak ada apa-apa perbezaan.

anyway, congratulations husband!!!

Rumah baru

I finally bought a house. Well, the SPA has not been signed yet but I had paid the booking fee. What a relief ;))
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Hati

sakit hati kecil hati tawar hati jauh hati ambil hati takda hati
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!

I am having a sleepless night. Please help...
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Testing

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unconditional love

are parents given the option to stop caring for their children? i dont think so. if you dont like your wife, you can do something about it. if you dont like your child (perangai) he/she will always remain your child.

you cannot simply say, "i dont care about you anymore. i have done everything...now you do whatever you want..."

for me, you must never give up on your child no matter what. keep on praying that he will eventually take the correct path. always shower your child with love. let you child know that you are always there for him.

you dont go to the bank and withdrew all the savings that you have under his name...

i have this formula that all my children must have savings that is more than their age ( kalau 10 tahun, mesti ada 10K).

i am taking care of the savings of three quarter of my children and the remaing quarter is under husband's responsibility. i make sure their savings semua exceed their age including the one in college. in fact the eldest dah buat haji pun using own savings and the balance pun still lebih the age.

however, the child under husband's responsibility is not that fortunate. as a punishment for him, husband had withdrawn a big chunk of his savings. now his duit tinggal ciput aje.

i am very disappointed with husband's action. how could he?

sakit hati sesangat

i need to visit a relative tomorrow. she is having some personal problems. i asked husband's permission. he said ok. i told husband that i want to bring along my anak along.

husband said no.

i said that i want anak to teman me.

husband said, it is up to me (if i want to disobey his orders).

i told him, why not husband teman me instead.

he replied, "saya banyak kerja!"

i am very angry....angry..angry that i cried quietly.

it is so unfair!

i cant even bring my own anak to accompany me.

mimpi siang

i got an email from matp yesterday. he asked me why i was very quiet lately. i have not responded to his bbms for a long time. i just read them and immediately cleared the messages.

well, i told him that i just didn't feel like chatting (with him). that was the reason. he wasnt happy with my answer but i just dont care. gasak le.

alhamdulillah, i tersedar dari mimpi di siang hari.

i dont want to have anymore mimpis di siang hari.

basuh kain

since i diberi cuti solat, i decide to update my blog while listening to the tok imam from the nearby surau and supervising my girls studying for their ujian next week.

i am going to write about a mischievous action i just did..:))

husband is very rajin. everyday (almost) he would rendam his shirts and hand wash them. i told him it was not necessary to do that. i had bought a canggih washing machine with various functions, "soak, delicate, blanket etc....just press the right button.

hai, di antara kerja yang paling i tak suka adalah basuh/berus tangan baju dan menggosok baju.

of course, husband won't listen to me...he is adamant about hand washing his shirts. dulu masa ada maid, tak ada masaalah. bila tak bermaid..jadi masaalah le pulak.

so i just let him do it. after some times, the issue becomes something big.
so, whenever sempat, i will hand wash his shirts.

i sendiri hardly hand wash my bajus....i use the "delicate" function of the machine.

just now, i put his soaked shirts in the washing machine. by the the time he reached home from tarawih, i will already hang them to dry. actually, the suggestion to use the washing machine came from my girl.

hopefully, i won't be caught red handed, tonite!

pemalas

husband just called me "pemalas".

hmm...may be there is some truth to the statement.

earlier, he asked me what was i going to cook for berbuka. i replied that i was going to goreng ikan and masak sayur. he already brought home ayam masak merah, sambal belacan, sayur campur. plus murtabak and nasi dagang and ondeh-ondeh and 2 tubs of bubur lambuk.

i didn't see the need for me to cook something elaborate. cukup le apa yang ada. after all, i reached home at 6pm after a long hard day in the office.

buat apa nak membazir. jadi kawan syaitan.

and he called me pemalas in front of the children because i was only going to goreng ikan and tumis sayur. tak patut sungguh :(

i programmed my brain to just ignore the statement though deep down i was so geram.

i just kept quiet.

outing

i had a very nice outing with my kids today. as usual husband was busy to tag along. we had a splendid time, nevertheless. we went shopping at KL**. i bought myself some nice stuff. things that i really like. seronoknya. i desperately needed the shopping therapy. i am feeling much better now...smiling from ear to ear :)

Selamat Menyambut NISFU SYAABAN
semoga diberkati ALLAH sentiasa.

a stalker i am

yes, i just stalked my xbf in fb. the one i saw recently at the mall. yes, the one wearing ketayap. hehe..

apparently he has been very busy. busy busy busy. from his wall post, i found out that he is quite active politically. yes, at the other side of the fence. interesting. i bet he attended the bersih rally.

banyak le post post tazkirah yang i baca. come to think about it, xbf had always been quite religous. he always observed the prayer times even when he visited my house when we were students abroad.

he posted this on his wall...


Wall Photos
Isteri Yg Baik

* Nikahi suaminya bukan kerana harta atau dunia
* Sentiasa sedar sy...urga dibawah tapak kaki suaminya
* Taat semua perintah suami yg bukan maksiat
* Tak bangkang kata2 suami dan tidak meninggi suara
* Meminta ampun setiap kali suami keluar pergi bekerja dan waktu pulang
* Menyediakan semua keperluan suami seperti memasak dll
* Menemani suami makan sekalipun dirinya berpuasa
* Tidak menjamah makanan melainkan setelah suami mula dahulu
* Sentiasa memasak makanan yg digemari suami
* Sentiasa berada disisi suami bila suami dirumah
* Rumah sentiasa kemas dan bersih
* Berhias hanya utk suami dgn solekan dan pakaian tercantik
* Tidak suka mengunkitSee More
By: Ustaz XXXX ( Original )


hahhh

house hunting, again?

mrG brought home pamphlet jual rumah. he gave it to my daughter. my daughter gave it to me.yes, that is how mrG communicates with me. via other people.

mrG is pushing me to buy property under my name. the house we are staying now is under his name. well, we brought it together initially. however, due to certain reason, my name was dropped from the S&P Agreement.

i always regard the house as mine, too. harta sepencarian. somehow lately i have the impression that mrG wants me to have a house under my name. as if it would be easier for him to get me out of this house if i have somewhere to go.

yes, he wants to kick me out!

hmm...what should i do?

p/s

i sold my house 2 years ago. i am basically homeless now.

greetings from faraway land

yes, i am away. far away from home. my host was kind enough to invite us (my colleague and I) to have dinner with his family. the night before, another person treated us to a nice dinner in a five star hotel.

haihai...ini macam confirm le naik berat badan.

i am going back this weekend.

i am dozing off..zzz

busy

teramat le sibuk. weekend kena pegi ofis. balik meeting di luar 6.30 ptg kena masuk ofis sampai 7.30. bukan sebab tunjuk rajin atau memang rajin. tapi terpaksa.

terjaga tengah malam pun teringat pasal kerja.

mungkin sebab bulan puasa dah dekat. banyak sangat events, meetings, appointments, deadline what nots.

InsyaAllah, it will be quieter during ramadhan. i will have time to focus on others things that have been neglected.

goodnite.

googlemap

what a tiring day. been away. just got back. had to cancel my appointment tomorrow. kena buat visa for my business trip next week. ingatkan boleh travel agent buatkan tapi was informed that the applicant kena hadir personally.

i casually asked mrG if he is free tomorrow morning. minta tolong temankan ke XHighCom. he quickly answered that he has an important meeting next monday. got a lot of things to prepare. couldn't spare his precious time. la next monday. ample time to do whatever preparation he needs. hhmmm...fine. ok.

i quickly googled map the place and have a good idea how to get there. semoga Allah permudahkan segala urusan.

i am actually "istimewa". my sense of direction is so horrible. bearing harubiru. mungkin disebabkan oleh kekuranga zat semasa kecil:)) dalam bangunan pun boleh sesat. i bought myself a gps device early this year. i seldom use. i still prefer to use the physical map.

InsyaAllah i will be ok tomorrow.

Laaa...sapa pulak offkan wifi ni...

my...my....

huhh, i just got back from my facial treat at the salon. guess who i saw on the way there...it was my very first crush, Is aka x-bf. how come i am so sure it was him?

hmm...actually i have been his stalker on fb for quite sometime. i just stop doing that for the fear of being discovered. from his fb profile pic, i know how he looks like now, a typical malay pakcik. when i saw him just now, he was wearing dark trousers and short sleeved shirt. slightly berisi that before. still very tall and still has the same deep set kuyu eyes. same mouth. how could i forget his features :). i was trying to find a parking spot and that stopped me from calling out his name. saje nak tengok menoleh ke tak!

he was wearing ketayap. yes, in his fb profile picture, he is also wearing ketayap. i guess, he has become more pious now. good. i have no intention to disturb him. from his fb profile, i know we live in the same city. i am just wondering who is he married to. i didn't get that info from his fb profile.

now what...nothing.

words of wisdom

"the most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother" words of wisdom from a wise man indeed!

berasap

eee berasapnye saya. smoke actually came out from my nose, ears and mouth. like a naga. i was so angry that i cried. normally, i cry silently. tears just roll down my cheeks. just now, i was sobbing real hard.

sabar spider. ingat Allah. banyakkan berzikir.

Selamat Hari Ibu

i had a very nice mothers day celebration. the children did some very sweet gestures. they baked me a cake and gave me some roses.

we also had potluck at my mum's place. i brought some pulut kuning and rendang pedas ayam kampung. as usual mrG was too busy to come along. he explained about his very tight schedule and the fact that he could not spare the time to join the gathering. FINE

i took my kids there. we had a pleasant trip. we enjoyed the sumptuous food and wonderful company. my mom was very happy that her children took the time to be with her on the special day. the fact that mrG was not there gave us the opportunity to spend more time with the relatives. if mrG ada, lepas makan terus balik. wajib macam tu.

when my mom and adik beradik asked why mrG did not come, i simply told them the truth. mr G was BUSY FULLSTOP

nobody asked about him anymore. they just kirim salam to him.

urghhhh....

i read my old posts....ishish. macamana boleh jadi macam tu?

how could i felt like that and wrote like that?

i am contemplating now. should i delete those posts or just let them be there? hmmm....as for now, i will let the posts be there.

semoga menjadi pengajaran di masa akan datang.

i am back

after a long hiatus, i am finally back in blogosphere. very much alive and kicking!

well, a lot had happened. one thing for sure is i am back on track. i mean on the right track. no more mooshymooshy feelings. apa guna. buat dosa kering je. seperti minum air tapi tak masih terus dahaga.

yes, i was derailed. i let my feelings and frustration got the better of me.
i kind of enjoyed the attention and whatever lah..

just let it be.

"to err is just human"

i am human.